Last Updated on October 27, 2023 by cmv
What are boundaries and why are they important?
Boundaries are an essential part of preserving, maintaining, and enhancing an individual’s mental health. They keep us safe, happy, and emotionally stable. Simply defined: A boundary is anything that marks a limit. In this context, we are talking about a psychological limit where there is a distinction between what we feel is emotionally safe versus emotionally harmful. If emotionally harmful sounds a bit too serious for you then think about it in a way that a behaviour does not align with your value system. Everyone’s boundaries are different as they are subjective due to various variables such as the influence of our upbringing, our experiences and traumas in life, personality traits, and tolerance levels to name a few. Our boundaries can also change over time and do not need to remain constant. For example, an individual may be studying for the BAR exam and have rigid boundaries around their social interactions and leisure activities until they have completed the test.
When to implement boundaries and how to know it’s time to do so
We may not always be clear of when we need to put up a boundary. A good starting point is recognizing how we feel when a person says or does something. If we don’t like the way it feels or know that the action doesn’t align with our values; that’s a first step. Initially we may not want to make a big deal out of it or hope it is a one-off situation. However, should the behaviour repeat itself then it may be time to place a boundary. Let your intuition guide you to self-preservation. You don’t want to wait too long to establish new boundaries as it’s much easier to change a behaviour before it’s becomes a pattern or has already had harmful effects on you.
Times to Put Up a Boundary
- A pushy relative has familial expectations that don’t align with yours. Maybe you try to compromise but it still doesn’t feel good enough. Time to put up a boundary.
- A colleague who constantly off loads their responsibilities onto you. You do it happily initially but start to notice an unfair pattern take shape. Time to put up a boundary.
- A friendship that is emotionally wearing you down. You look forward to social interaction but feel exhausted after your meetings. Time to put up a boundary.
- A relationship where disrespect is being shown through name calling and aggression. Time to put up a boundary.
If you’re unsure of how to put up a boundary or want some support in navigating boundaries, our counsellors are well trained in this area. Putting up boundaries can be scary, confusing, and downright difficult. Let us help you advocate for your needs and stand up for what you believe.
